Florida, my sunshine state of wild legislation and chaotic headlines, you’ve outdone yourself yet again. This time, you’ve decided to block porn websites that don’t comply with a law requiring users to flash their IDs before indulging in, let’s call it, "self-guided extracurricular activities." I usually champion Florida’s pro-business laws, but this? This is the legislative equivalent of walking into a wall repeatedly and calling it progress.
Let’s break it down, because I’m equal parts horrified and entertained by this nonsense.
Privacy? What Privacy?
Imagine this: You’ve had a long day. Emails piled up, deadlines missed, Karen from HR cornered you about that TPS report. All you want is some good old-fashioned “me-time.” So, you click on your favorite adult website, and BAM! It hits you with: “Please upload your ID to continue.”
Excuse me? This is the kind of invasion of privacy that would make even Facebook blush. If I wanted to be judged while making questionable decisions, I’d call my mom. But no, Florida thinks it’s a brilliant idea to tie your personal identification to your browsing habits. What could possibly go wrong? Oh wait, everything.
Teenagers Are Basically FBI Agents
Let’s get real for a second: Do lawmakers honestly believe this is going to stop teenagers? Because here’s the thing about teenagers—they are resourceful, borderline hacker-level resourceful. You think blocking a couple of websites and requiring IDs is going to stop them? Please. By the time this law takes effect, there will be 10,000 TikTok tutorials titled “How to Bypass Florida’s Dumb Porn Law in 3 Easy Steps.”
All this law does is turn porn into the ultimate forbidden fruit. Congratulations, Florida, you just made “Horny, but Sneaky” the hottest trend of 2024.
Porn Sites Are a Marketer’s Dream
Now let’s talk business, because here’s where Florida really missed the boat. Adult websites like YouPorn and Pornhub aren’t just hubs of NSFW content—they’re untapped marketing goldmines. As an art director and marketer, I can tell you these platforms are where millions of people go every single day. That’s right, millions.
And here’s the kicker: when people are in the mindset of pleasure and indulgence, they’re way more persuadable than your average LinkedIn scroller or YouTube viewer. You could sell anything to this audience. Fancy cologne? They’re buying it. A new air fryer? Throw it in the cart. Life insurance? Sure, why not! These platforms are the perfect space to market products—whether or not they’re related to the “industry.”
But no, instead of embracing this marketing goldmine, Florida decided to cut off its own nose to spite its face. Way to kill the vibe and the opportunity.
Instead of Banning, Teach Them
Here’s a radical thought: Instead of banning adult websites and making it harder for people to access them, why not teach people how to navigate them responsibly? We don’t ban alcohol just because teenagers sneak a sip from their parents’ liquor cabinets. We educate them on its effects, teach moderation, and trust (hopefully) that they’ll make good choices.
The same principle applies here. Education beats prohibition every time. Teach people—yes, even teenagers—about boundaries, consent, and healthy habits. Make the conversation normal instead of shameful. But no, Florida went full Puritan on us, and now we’re stuck with this ridiculous law.
Florida, You’re Missing the Point
At the end of the day, this law doesn’t just invade privacy and alienate millions of potential advertising opportunities—it’s downright idiotic. It won’t stop teenagers from finding what they’re looking for. It won’t improve public safety or morality. And it certainly won’t win any points with the business community.
So, Florida lawmakers, let me leave you with this: Stick to the pro-business stuff you’re actually good at. But when it comes to policing what people do in their private time, maybe just… don’t.
Because honestly, asking for an ID to access a website? That’s not governance—it’s a punchline. And we’re all laughing.
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